


Barroom Blitz

by anonymouse_fiction



Series: Home Is Where the Heart Is [3]
Category: The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Humor, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Post-Canon, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-09-01 08:13:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8616376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymouse_fiction/pseuds/anonymouse_fiction
Summary: A rude huntsman is causing a ruckus in Telma’s bar. Link tries to get him to stop, but when this brute proves the only language he speaks is violence, all bets are off.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! Welcome to the third fic in the "Home is Where the Heart Is" series! I'll be blunt here: the majority of this fic is a knock-down, beat-em-up barroom brawl that I had a blast writing. If you're not into violence, be warned! Don't worry, no one gets seriously hurt... unless you count pride and egos. Then there's some casualties.

             It was a quiet night at Telma’s, and the Resistance was enjoying the calm atmosphere in the normally lively bar. Auru was on assignment to the Zora’s Domain at Zelda’s behest, leaving only Shad, Link, Ashei, and Telma in the bar with its usual patrons. Aside from Ashei teasing Link for wearing a purple belted tunic with his usual jeans and sandals, since purple was supposed to be Shad’s color, things weren’t too rowdy. Yes, a nice quiet night…

“Hey bar wench! I need another round over here!” A deep, gravelly voice shouted from the far end of the bar.

Save for a loud huntsman that insisted on making an ass of himself.

“I’m comin’! And if you call me that again, your next pint is going over your head!” Telma barked back, glaring at him as she readied his drink.

“Any luck, old boy?” Shad asked as Link folded up the personals section of the newspaper that Telma had saved him. Link snort derisively.

“I wish. It’s been a month and still no apartment openings! And I can’t afford rentin’ a room in one of the houses around here. I just hope the folks back home don’t get worried when I write them.” Link said, tossing the paper onto the table.

“It’s just a spot of bad luck, Link. Something will come up eventually, I’m sure.” Shad said, hoping to encourage his friend.

“Let’s hope sooner rather than later. And I’m holdin’ you to our agreement!”

“Yes, yes I know. We split the household responsibilities and rent equally. Though I still don’t understand why you insist you aren’t my guest!” Shad said with a dismissive wave of his hand. Ashei rolled her eyes.

“Because he’s too much of a goody-two-shoes. He can’t remember a thing people owe him, but he remembers if he thinks he owes someone.” Ashei said with a chuckle.

“Hey, it’s not a bad thing!” Link said, making Ashei sigh.

“Whatever you say, Link.”

             Ashei was about to continue, but another string of rude remarks from the bar cut her off. Telma’s shouts and threats didn’t go unnoticed by the trio, but they would hold to their word and not intervene unless Telma called for them. Link glared back over his seat towards the bar.

“Why doesn’t she just toss him out?” Link grumbled, clearly unhappy with how Telma was being treated.

“Because that yahoo is one of her best customers when he’s in town. Believe me, I don’t like him, and Shad definitely doesn’t, but she told us not to interfere as long as he doesn’t mess with us. Normally Auru would keep him in line, but he’s not here right now.” Ashei sighed, understanding Link’s unhappiness.

“Well, if he gets any worse, I’ll be calling a patrol soldier in to deal with him.” Shad said as he went to pour himself another cup of tea, only to find the pot empty.

“Drat, and here I thought I had more left.” Shad muttered as he picked up the pot and removed the lid, seeing it was in fact empty. Link chuckled as he looked back over to them.

“Guess that ‘tea set for one’ Telma got ain’t gonna cut it.” Link said as Shad sighed and put the miniature teapot down.

“It was a novel idea, at least. I suppose I’ll have to go ask for fresh tea leaves and a pot of hot water.” Shad said as he went to get up.

“Nah, don’t worry about it; I’ll get it. I need a refill anyways. Ashei, you need anything?” Link asked as he lifted his empty glass up and tilted it towards the bar.

“You and your milk, Link. But I’m alright, thanks.” Ashei said as he got up and picked the teapot up as well.

“I don’t like beer, Ashei! Stuff smells and tastes like branch water.” Link mumbled the last bit as he went to go to the bar.

“Branch water?” Ashei wondered, making Shad chuckle.

“He’s saying that he finds beer to be weak and distasteful. I happen to agree.” Shad explained as he settled back in his chair.

“Thanks. I didn’t know I had a personal Link translator.” Ashei teased. Link paused and looked back to her.

“I told ya he’s got a doctorate in Linkese!” Link joked as he turned back and went up to the bar.

“Now you’re just makin’ that up, honey.” Telma said with a soft smile.

“The Linkese part, yeah. But anyways, could Shad get some more tea and another glass of milk for me, please?” Link asked as he held up the empty glass and pot. Telma sighed.

“I shoulda known that dinky thing wouldn’t sate Shad and his thirst for tea. I’ll have to run out and get more milk, but sure. Be back in a bit!” Telma said as she took the pot and glass and set them under the counter before she moved out from behind it and went out the door.

“Aww, the lil’ baby still likes his milk. He even said please!” The huntsman teased once Telma was gone.

“Yeah, I said please! It’s how you’re supposed to treat a lady, you ornery cuss!” Link shot back, making the man cock an eyebrow and stand up.

            Link had to admit, once he was standing up, he was very imposing. He was just about as tall as Renado and was dressed in dark jeans, a green long sleeved shirt with a brown leather vest overtop it, brown leather boots, and a belt with two crossbows on it. What really ticked Link off was that he wore a cloak that reached his mid-back made from some unfortunate wolfos. The wolfos’ head acted like a hood that covered his own, with the front arms tied around his neck as a fastener, but some of his black hair stuck out from underneath. He gave Link a once-over, his tanned face twisting into a facsimile of delight, revealing yellowed teeth and a glint of amusement in his brown eyes.

“You’ve got some guts, boy. I like you.” He said as he picked up his pint and sat down next to Link.

“Uh… thanks?” Link replied, eyebrow cocking in confusion for a moment at his response.

“I recognize that accent; you’re from Ordona, aren’t ya?”

“That I am, sir. You from around there too?”

“Sure am. I grew up in the mountain region. Learned how to hunt real good that way. My family’s fur trappers by trade.” Link shrugged and sat down at the bar, waiting for Telma to return. After all, what harm could come from some small talk?

“So you’re here to sell your wares, then?”

“Sure am… well, that and I have some _personal_ business in this bar.” Garrett said, peering around Link as though he was looking for someone.

“Hey now, I don’t want any fights in here!” Link warned, not wanting to break up a brawl.

“Huh? Nah… there’s a beautiful young thing that’s got a habit of hiding in this bar. I’m hoping to tell ‘em how I feel tonight if I catch ‘em alone, but I gotta get my courage up first.” Garrett said before taking another long swig of his beer.

“Aw, c’mon now. I’m sure if you’re just honest with them they’ll at least hear ya out…” Link tried, hoping to give the man a little boost of non-alcoholic confidence.

 “You’d think, but damn they can talk. One minute I’m tryin’ to ask ‘em out and the next thing I know they went and talked me in a circle and left before givin’ me an answer. But still, that’s what’s got me head over heels for ‘em. Ain’t never met someone that smart that’s as lovely as them. But enough of that; what’s your trade?” The hunter asked, looking to Link.

“Me? I was just a rancher down in Ordon. But I’m trainin’ the soldiers around here now.” Link replied, making the man give him a hard look before tossing his head back and laughing.

“You? You’re too pretty for that. I could believe the ranchin’; you ain’t gonna get battle scars that way. But I can’t see you liftin’ more than an axe at best!” The man said, still chuckling. Link blushed in embarrassment.

“Hey, I’m tellin’ the truth!” The hunter looked to Link and sighed.

“Boy, I don’t appreciate liars.”

“But I’m not lyin’! My name’s Link!” Link tried, only for the man to look down into his pint.

“Well, then you’re a liar.”

“I am NOT LYING!”

“Boy, if you’re the Hero of Twilight, then my name ain’t Garrett!” Garrett nearly shouted, turning back to face Link.

            Garrett fixed Link with a glare that would make just about anyone cower, but this wasn’t just anyone he was dealing with. Link met his gaze and held it defiantly, practically daring him to do something. However, that didn’t come to pass, as a familiar hand landed on Link’s shoulder.

“Garrett, that is quite enough, don’t you agree?” Shad asked from his spot behind Link. Garrett frowned at that.

“Shad? What are you-” Link started to whisper, only to have Shad grip his shoulder tight to get him to stop.

“Never mind that, Link.” Shad whispered back, being sure to keep his tome and dagger hidden behind his back.

“Enough ain’t ever enough. This dirty liar’s really pissin’ me off, so if you’re a friend of his, you might wanna get him away from me, lovely.” Garrett grumbled.

“Link is most certainly not lying, I assure you. Why don’t you finish your pint and head home for the night? You’ve been here for quite some time, after all.” Shad said politely, ignoring Garrett’s remark in hopes of defusing the situation. Garrett scoffed and settled back in his seat.

“I might consider it… if you come with me.” Garrett said, giving Shad an appreciative look. Shad flushed crimson.

“I-I beg your pardon?!”

“I’m sayin’ if a lovely thing like you comes back to my room, I won’t bother anyone ‘round here no more.” Garrett said with a leer. Link tensed, ready to act, but felt Shad’s fingers dig into his shoulder. He wasn’t sure if it was Shad trying to keep him from intervening or just Shad’s discomfort, but either way he was getting fed up with this huntsman’s unwanted persistence.

“While I’m… _flattered_ by the proposition, I’ll have to politely decline.” Shad said, voice cold and terse. Garrett frowned.

“It ain’t a proposition if you don’t want trouble.” Garret argued, making Link stand up from his seat and bow up.

“Hey! You leave him the Hell alone; Shad don’t want nothin’ to do with you if you can’t tell!”

“Can it, liar.” Garrett said as he picked up his beer and dumped it over Link’s head.

            Shad had jumped back just in time to avoid the splash, but Link’s head and shoulders were drenched. Garrett gave a hearty laugh before he stood up and shoved Link out of the way, wrapping an arm around Shad’s waist and tugging him close. As Link braced himself against a support beam behind Garrett, he wiped the beer from his eyes in time to see Garrett holding a struggling Shad.

“Honestly, I come to this town mostly just so I can see you. But every time you’re back there, hidin’ from me and refusing my company.” Garrett said, chuckling when Shad shoved against his chest with his free hand to try and get him to let go.

“For good reason! Unhand me, you delinquent!” Shad spat, tone cold and even.

“Such a sharp tongue in such a pretty mouth. You’re wastin’ your time here. You come with me and I promise we’ll go places you ain’t ever seen.” Garrett purred, only to be met with an icy glare from Shad.

“Thank you, but I’ll have to decline your offer. I’ve quite a steady clientele in this town and leaving would hinder my studies. Now unhand me before you regret it!” Shad cried in frustration, struggling even more.

“You sure? I could make you think other-ACK!”

            Garrett didn’t get time to finish, as Link had grabbed the wolfos skin on his head and yanked it back, making him stumble back and his grip on Shad loosen. Shad took the opportunity to free himself fully by giving Garrett a parting smack across the face with his tome, readying his dagger once he was free. Link took advantage of the momentum and steered Garrett around so that he stumbled and fell to the floor, watching as the drunk man hit with a solid thump.

“You alright, Shad?” Link asked as he noticed Garrett get up, teeth clenched and bared furiously.

“Just peachy. We’ve more important things to worry about right now, though. Look alive!” Shad said as Garrett barreled towards Link with an angry shout.

            Shad and Link dodged out of the way, with Shad strategically sticking his foot out to trip Garrett. Both smirked when he tripped and ran right into the very support beam Link had used to catch himself with earlier. He was quick to catch himself, turn around, and throw a wild punch at Link, only for him to dodge and get Garrett with an uppercut to the jaw. Garrett grunted at the blow and stumbled back, holding his jaw.

“You really wanna do this, boy?” Garrett growled, steadying himself and slowly stalking towards Link.

“It’s Link. And we’ll give you one chance to walk away.” Link replied, watching him carefully.

“Not gonna happen, shorty.” Garrett said, making Shad stiffen in his place next to Link.

“Oh dear.” Shad muttered worriedly as he glanced to Link. Just has he’d suspected, Link’s eyebrow was twitching in annoyance.

“What’d you just call me?” Link asked lowly, voice hiding none of his slowly building anger.

“Shorty. Has a nice ring to it, don’t ya think? I’ll tell you what: No weapons, just you and me. You beat me, and I’ll leave. But if I beat you, he’s comin’ with me.” Garrett said, nodding in Shad’s direction.

“He’s not goin’ anywhere with the likes of you. He deserves way better.” Link said evenly, eyes going steely with resolve. Link failed to see Shad’s cheeks go just a bit pink as he went to interject, but the snarl from Garrett cut him off.

“Then prove it!” Garrett shouted, lunging forward with a punch readied once more.

            Link shoved Shad away from him and rolled to the side, coming up behind Garrett as he stopped. As Garrett whipped around, Link stooped low and grabbed him around his waist, pivoting on his feet so he could lift and throw Garrett to the floor. Garrett gripped Link’s shoulders and planted his feet, making Link falter halfway and steer him so that Garrett’s back was towards the bar. Garrett managed to get out of Link’s grasp, but not before Link shoved him into the bar, his back hitting with an audible thud.

            Link squared up, watching as Garrett braced himself against the counter. Garrett pushed away from it, squaring up as well once he got closer to Link. Shad watched worriedly as they circled one another, exchanging blows to the face and body that he was sure would knock just about anyone else out cold. His hand twitched with a bit of magic he’d unconsciously accumulated there, desperately wanting to step in and protect Link, but he clenched it to keep himself calm, knowing one well-placed throw of his dagger could end things if needed. As Link delivered yet another good punch to Garrett’s jaw, Garrett took the opportunity to grab his arm and twist it so that it was behind Link’s back, immobilizing him.

“Boy, it don’t gotta be like this. Just admit you’re a liar and let me take what’s mine, and this can stop.” Garrett growled, shoving Link’s arm up enough to make Link grunt in pain.

“Not gonna happen.”

“Oh, why’s that?”

“Because Shad don’t belong to anyone ‘cept who he chooses!” Link shouted as he drew his free arm up and drove his elbow back into Garrett’s side.

            Garrett grunted and released his grip on Link’s arm, stumbling back from the hit. Link turned around and gave him a punch to the gut and then to the face as he bent forward from the shock of the first punch. Garrett stumbled back, clutching his face with his hands, trying to stop the blood from trickling out of his nose.

“You little son of a bitch!” Garrett screamed as he rushed Link again.

            Link ducked the punch intended for his face and came back up with another uppercut to the jaw, making Garrett groan and stagger to the side. Link gripped the paws under Garrett’s neck and used them to steer him back against the support beam near the bar.

“Call me what you want, but the second you start treatin’ someone like property, you’re no longer human. You’re just as bad-no, worse than-the animals you trap for fur. Now, I’m gonna give you once last chance to apologize and leave.” Link snarled, giving Garrett a look similar to an enraged wolf.

“Suck it, pretty boy.” Garrett panted out, grabbing the back of Link’s head and smashing it against his.

            Link gave a shout of pained surprise and stumbled back as Garrett followed up with a punch that hit Link’s right eye. Link caught his balance and dove out of the way of Garrett’s next punch, grabbing hold of the wolfos skin once again and using it to throw him to the floor. Garrett fell face first and was about to get up, but Link quickly straddled him and held his head against the floor.

“You’re done, Garrett. Give up.” Link panted, keeping all of his weight on Garrett.

“Alright, fine. You win.” Garrett panted out, glad to feel Link get off him.

            Link offered him a hand, but Garrett smacked it away, fixing Link with a vengeful glare. Link just sighed and turned away from him, walking over to the table Shad had chosen to stand by. Link couldn’t help but laugh when Shad’s first reaction was to put his dagger on the table with his tome and fuss over him to check for any further injury. As Garrett stood up, back to the Resistance’s room, he drew both his crossbows and swiped them against the hidden quivers on his boots, arming them with a bolt each.

“That’s real cold, Shad. You pick some sorry liar over me?” Garrett growled, pointing the crossbows at both of them.

            Link and Shad both jolted in surprise at that. Garrett chuckled when Shad put an arm out in front of Link and allowed magic to fully accumulate in it as a warning. Link shot him an angry glare.

“Says the scum that can’t even keep his own word.” Link growled.

“Boy, a real man gets what he wants. You’re a damn fool for thinking otherwise, now get away from him before-”

“Before what, exactly?” Ashei asked coolly as she pressed the tip of her blade against Garrett’s back, making him stiffen in shock.

“Wh-when did-”

“When did I decide to jump in? Oh, when you dishonored your part of the deal. I won’t interfere when a duel’s goin’ on; that goes against a knight’s code of honor. But now that it’s over and you’re clearly just a dirtbag, I have no qualms with running you through. Especially since you’re pushing yourself on someone that’s repeatedly said they’re not interested.” Ashei threatened, pressing the blade just a touch harder against his back to make a point.

“Fine, I get it. Ain’t even worth it.” Garrett grumbled, disarming the crossbows and putting them back at his waist. As he walked away, he shot a parting glare at Link before looking at Shad.

“You don’t know what you’re missin’, lovely.” Garrett tried, hoping maybe he still had a shot. Shad harrumphed.

“Please, after your behavior tonight I know exactly what I’m missing, and I’m very _glad_ I am. Goodnight, and I hope to never see you again.” Shad said, smirking at the wince he got from Garrett in return.

            Knowing he was done, Garrett staggered towards the door. He hoped this wouldn’t get out so that he could salvage some of his pride. It was too bad Telma chose that exact moment to come back and open the door just in time to smack Garrett in the face. Garrett stumbled back with a yelp, and before Telma could say anything, he ran around her and out the door. Telma cocked an eyebrow at his behavior, but shrugged it off and shut the door, turning around to see her usual trio of troublemakers laughing hysterically.

“I’m gonna guess he had that com-LINK! Oh honey, what happened?! Did that brute hurt you? I swear if he did I’ll gut him like a trout!” Telma cried as she rushed over to Link and looked him over, frowning when she saw his right eye already swelling shut and a small cut on his lip.

“It’s alright. He didn’t seem like a bad guy… until Shad got involved.” Link sighed as Telma shook her head at him.

“He tried hittin’ on you again, didn’t he?” Telma asked as she turned away from Link to look to Shad.

“That he did. He even went so far as to seize me by the waist this time, but Link was quick to put a stop to that.” Shad said.

“I don’t know, you whacked him pretty good with your book, Shad. And tripped him up, too.” Link interjected, stopping to rub his sore jaw.

“Oh come now, you were the one to put him in his place. However, I suppose my actions were a nice touch.” Shad said proudly, adjusting his glasses as he did so. Ashei chuckled.

“And yet I’m the one who ran him off.”

“Ashei, you had somethin’ pointy shoved against his back. Unfair advantage.” Link muttered, making Telma laugh.

“Well, at least that yahoo won’t be back anytime soon. Now let’s get somethin’ warm on that eye so it don’t swell up too bad!” Telma said as she ushered Link over to a seat at the bar, disappearing into the back to fetch a warm washcloth.

“Honestly, old boy. You needn’t have done that for me. This could have been avoided entirely had you simply let me trick him as I usually do.” Shad said softly as he went over to Link and brushed a few stray hairs away from his right eye.

“He needed to be taught a lesson. You gotta be firm with folks like him, Shad. They don’t take hints too well. And they generally don’t stop until they get what they want.” Link said disappointedly.

“I suppose. For all we know, he may very well be a nice fellow, but until he stops his love affair with alcohol, nothing will likely work in his favor.” Shad said, making Link nod in agreement.

“But you’re really alright, right Shad? I know using magic without those gloves of yours is a strain on your hands.” Link said worriedly, trying to sneak a peek at Shad’s hands.

“Hmm? Oh, I’m perfectly fine. The energy you saw was merely a shroud; nothing powerful enough to harm anyone. I do appreciate your concern, though.”

“Good. I don’t know what I’d do if you got hurt. I worry about you as it is, and thinkin’ about you hurt just twists my gut the wrong way.” Link admitted. Shad’s eyebrows went up a bit at this and blushed just slightly, but he dismissed it.

“While I appreciate your protective side, I’d appreciate it more if you didn’t put yourself in harm’s way over me. I’d much prefer to have you around in one solid piece.” Shad said, giving Link a gentle smile.

“As touching as these heartfelt confessions are, can we just agree that you two need to hurry up and get hitched?” Ashei interrupted with a teasing smirk, making both of them flush and turn to give her an embarrassed glare.

“ASHEI!”

\-----

‘Man, how am I supposed to explain this to Zelda without her laughin’ at me?’ Link wondered as he walked to the castle.

            Dressed in the Hero’s Clothes for that day’s training, he’d chosen to forgo his hat in case it slipped on him and irritated his eye. Thanks to the warm compress Telma had made the night before, the swelling had been greatly reduced. The red potion Shad had made him drink that morning had further reduced it, but the bruise and some minor swelling was still there. Most of the soreness and other bruises were gone thanks to a good night’s rest and the potion, but Link was still sore.

“-And you read him his rights. Is that correct, trainee?” A captain asked as a trainee stood at attention next to one of the occupied stocks.

“Yes sir! I made sure of it again this morning, since he seemed pretty drunk, sir!” The trainee replied.

             Link took a look as he was walking past them and couldn’t help but bust out laughing at the sight. There in the stocks was Garrett, face bruised and swollen from their brawl the night before. He walked over to the group, still chuckling a bit, and held up his hand to tell the soldiers not to bother with coming to attention.

“So, what’s this guy in for?” Link asked, calming down as he looked down at Garrett.

“Sir! He was caught last night vandalizing several shop carts not far from Telma’s bar. He was kicking them, causing their brakes to unhook and roll downhill and smash into a wall and each other. He’s awaiting trial as we speak, sir.” The trainee said.

“You don’t say?” Link asked, a knowing grin on his face as Garrett glared up at them.

“You should really try to curb that sore loser attitude you seem to have.” Link said, grin widening just a bit as Garrett gawped up at him.

“Y-you’re really-?!”

“I told you I’m no liar.” Link said as he reached into his pouch, pulling out a red potion.

“Here, drink this. You’re gonna want it before the pain gets too bad.” Link said, uncorking the bottle and offering it to Garrett. Garrett grunted and turned away from it, making Link sigh.

“Try to get a potion in him at the very least before the day is out. He might be an ornery cuss, but no one deserves to suffer too much.” Link said to the captain, corking the potion and tossing it to him before turning to address the trainee.

“Good catch, trainee. Keep up the good work!” Link said kindly before nodding to both of them and continuing on his way. Garrett sighed.

“I swear I’ll pick my battles better next time.” Garrett muttered in defeat.

**Author's Note:**

> Zelda did in fact laugh hysterically at Link and the story behind his condition. Link, however, was not amused.


End file.
